reports - stepping back

Empathy and recognising when to step back to gain perspective - to be IN empathy.

A tense, heated, uncomfortable confrontation of words, emotions arising... A moment where words to part could cut the air... when ones spouse or loved one is being staunch in there ways, defiant, dis-believing, dis-crediting, over-empowering, disempower, critical, judgmental, infuriating, cynical, debating... Several choices stand for offering here...

1. Pick-up all there emotions, place into a blender, mix well for several minutes and drink-up, then regurgitate all contents and splatter straight back to hence it came! Not looking good, in fact, now looking like a disaster zone!

2. Storm out the door, kicking over *ouch* a few objects on the way, slap the letter box for just standing there, hisssss at the cat, jump in the car, smack the steering wheel for getting in the way of the keys, start the car with HEAVY foot, plough around the corner as though corner does not exist...!

3. Spit, hiss, kick, scream, and pull hair, cry, jump, run, spit, hiss, and kick...!

OR

How to be IN empathy?

In the moment OF (any or more of the above first-mentioned)... STOP, deep breath in, gently and calmly let it out, slowly, hand on tummy, feel movement... don’t respond YET... BREATHHHHHH, nice and gently again... tune-in to self, listen, what do you feel, hear inside self? Is this your emotions/thoughts? How did you feel immediately prior too? Calm relaxed, content? Is this you - really? If you felt irate prior too, could this 'confrontation' with another only be fuelling your fire? STOP - STEP BACK - ASSESS.

Whomever it IS, does not matter, what matters is action... what you choose to do next can make it or break it... to be IN empathy in any such moment, is to step back and assess self, then put yourself now in the other persons situation, where are they coming from, do they understand what you do? (Do you understand what you do?)... Are you helping each other, or fuelling each other, do you feel what they feel, (don’t be overly concerned if they feel what you feel), assess this objectively, (independently of perception, emotion, personal bias).

Step back, breath, un-attach your emotions/thoughts to the 'ache', (to them) and see through their eyes, feel through their emotions, understanding, experiences, through their day, through their thoughts, see it all, as though you are in their shoes… breath again, in doing so, find no reason to continue argumentively etc, and tame the fire by doing this.

It takes a conscious effort initially to 'put yourself in another persons shoes', though with practice it will begin to transform any relationship into one that is continuously flowing in a sense that brings peace and awareness of each other. Learn to realise what another feels/thinks, and step back in the moment. Creating a calm understanding of what the other is experiencing.

Trying to get our point across, all to often mean’s if we aren’t, our frustrations are a sign we are moving out of empathy. When we truly are empathic with another, we flow harmoniously in self, together, resonating, no need to stress, fret, feel as though we are ignored, when what truly matters is that in doing so we aren’t ignoring self and those we love, by being able, given willing, to place ourselves in their shoes or even better to understand where we are coming from in self, and accept self without need to prove a point that is obviously going ‘no-where’, that in such explanation out aloud (if necessary) it is done as though one truly is talking SELF through it.

Looking at self through a mirror, is the reflection seen, one that enables self to step back, observe, be objective, then embrace with harmony of understanding to another is also doing so unto self. To self? To be IN empathy is to flow with self, and accept another is where they’re at, because we accept where we are.

If we don’t like something in another, we can ask self, what would it be like to be this person, what life experiences has brought them here? Its as though to be IN empathy, one is looking in through a window and seeing things without participating directly, rather viewing from a different angle, all the goings on. Some consider this to watching a movie, appreciating the script, the directing, the acting, the plot unfold without actually being actively involved, viewing objectively and getting a broader picture, understanding in doing so.

The next time (complacency will teach a plenty ) such a situation (or lesson) arises… try and apply, learn and discern…

Stop - Breath
Step Back - Breath
Assess – Self
Step In – The others shoes
Breath IN Empathy.

Or in Short. Christel’s 3 Principal Keys to Empathy

STOP DROP & ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Copyright © 2002 Christel Broederlow
STEPPING BACK – EMPATHY
By Christel Broederlow
Please seek prior permission in using Authors writings.
PLEASANTVILLE - 3 PRINCIPALS
By Christel Broederlow